"I want a boyfriend, I want a boyfriend, I want a boyfriend...who can fetch me from home and send me to and fro university. Oh no wait, what I really need is a chauffeur, not a boyfriend!"
That was the first thing that caught my attention when I came across my ex-classmate's Facebook. Well, statuses of this nature usually do not grab my attention. But this time it did, mainly because my ex-classmate is actually a GUY!
Quiet, tanned and carrying a unique purple bag, I noticed a Malay guy on the first day of my Secondary 3 class. He sat in the row next to me and it was the first time I have really noticed him, in spite of being in the same school for two years. It might have been because we were in the same class for the first time. When everyone was asked to introduce themselves, he stood up and said in a timid voice that his name was Zakaria.
Zakaria and I were classmates for two years. Throughout the two years, he spoke very little and was always quiet although we managed to talk a little to each other, mainly about schoolwork. He was very helpful, intelligent and fashionable. He was always the one carrying unique bags and was always on trend, changing his glasses regularly. Since we graduated from school, we went our separate ways and did not manage to keep in touch. Therefore when he added me on Facebook, I was excited to finally get in touch with him. I explored his Facebook page and realized he was actually gay!
In secondary school, I would have never guessed that he was not straight. This is the reason why I was a little shocked to discover this fact. When we started being on friendly terms again, I asked him how he realized he was gay. He said, “I guess I just knew it. Or rather, I know that I have feelings for men. But, as you grow up, you are restricted to the society's norms and specific gender roles that you tend to suppress your true feelings and act normal.” That was the reason why he had to hide the fact that he was gay for years.
In Singapore, it is really unusual to have gay people publicly proclaiming that they are gay, because the society is still close-minded and very judgmental especially when it comes to ones sexual orientation. Singapore law, as in many other countries, prohibits homosexual relationships. Therefore many homosexuals tend to keep their sexual preferences to themselves and suffer in silence. If they were to come out and acknowledge their true sexual preferences, they must be prepared to face the challenges posted by the very Asian nature of Singapore’s society.
In Zakaria’s case, he had his own share of challenges when he eventually opened up and went public with the information that he was gay. His very first challenge was to feel comfortable enough to tell people that he is gay. He only felt comfortable last year when he was 20 years old. He said that the media had played a huge part in helping him feel comfortable and ready to face the society with the truth. The Internet provided him with a vast amount of information on homosexuality and the issues encircling it. He added that the increasing amount of gay characters shown on movies and shows also assured him that the boundaries of the society has been somewhat pushed and that in today’s society there might be more people who can really understand or at least tolerate and accept him being gay.
His family was his real challenge! Coming from a strict Muslim background and being gay was the hardest challenge for him to overcome. His parents couldn’t come to terms with the fact that he is gay and went on to preach that it was a sin, ‘haram’ and unreligious. Being afraid to upset them further and as a respect for their feelings he avoids discussion on that matter when he is in their company.
Another challenge he faced was dealing with all the discrimination and prejudice in school and National Service (NS). In Singapore, every male citizen and permanent resident has to undergo military training for 2 years. He had to endure a lot of teasing and loneliness as he was ostracized for being different. Luckily for him, he was brave and undeterred. Eventually he overcame his predicament, did well and passed out after the two years of training. He said, “ I eventually became brave and could overcome the adversities because I always tell myself that those who try to make me feel like a fool are just ignorant about my situation and I need to be brave. I would rise up and proof myself. Of course, I had my moments of depression and isolation.” He even felt embarrassed about himself initially because the people who teased him really made him feel like a fool. Lucky for him, he has come to accept himself for who he is and has learnt that being gay is not the only defining point of who he is, there are other important aspects like his character and his accomplishments. He is blessed for having close friends who love him for who he is.
There are so many people out there who are not as lucky as Zakaria. They are unable to break their silence and face the truth. Basically, they are afraid to face the society and are afraid of being ostracized. Zakaria also had something to say to these people, people who do not try to understand but be judgmental about others.
“I can respect and understand if people don't accept us, at the same time, please do not judge us by our sexual orientation. We are not sexual products, we have more substance than that.”
Sir Elton John married David Furnish in 2005 and showed the world that life can be normal even if you are gay. They now even have a baby. People should not judge others based on their sexual orientation. As Zakaria said being gay does not wholly define a gay person there are other aspects to being a human.
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